Saturday, March 7, 2015

The devil wears glasses

I'm watching a movie right now, and the story is like this.....

There was a girl. She's a very care and bright girl, who always do anything in a clear mind for her love one. But something happened. Something that forced her too much, which she felt like being pushed too much. And so, she came back, finally. into a very different person. With new mind set, new soul, and new heart. Don't ask her  about that care girl! That care girl had gone too far. A girl that once cared too much for everyone and everything. No longer cared at all. She turns to be a very hateful, spiteful, and baddest girl.

And then, she lured someone. Someone that supposed not to be taken of. Someone that's already taken. She found him, in a good way. She found him, like a long lost child, who will longing to him all day long. She found him like she face herself. Like God's putting a mirror to her and watch herself out, through that man. And in the times, she knew about that fact, the fact about that taken man. She learnt it slowly, she tried to let go of the heart, and she tried to close the heart once again.

She, learnt it solos. She talked to herself a lot. That devil, only mumbled to herself. That devil, only cried alone. That devil, wanted to take out her life. She cried and cried, she asked herself, that once she felt doubt to fall in those situations but keep on doing that. She, with all that powers left, only hate herself even more. She, with the whole world changing, wanted to runaway. Alone, with no one in her current life knowing. She wanted to start a new fresh beginning. Let go the past alone. Let go the past that full of questions. A past with entitled her with being "the third wheel".

But, she. only remained on that state. No move, after all. She lived with that man and pretending nothing happen. It killed her heart. It killed her sanity. She became a fully devil,who doesn't care about other's feeling. About, her own feeling later, if something bad might happen. She walked that path, she cried through that path, and she calmed herself down lonely.

And then the girl that had the taken man, came. She didn't know what really happened, and that's why the devil walked away. Walked away from that frame of life. She walked away on her own. She walked away without that taken man knowing, She, cried once again. She began to reminiscence her past.  How came her life turned out to be like that. She only asked her questions to that taken man in the thin air, in her sleepless night. She might feel a lot more burdens on her shoulder. But she had taken a vow, that no matter what will happen to her fall with that man, she would never interfere his business with her first angel. She would definitely let herself remained in silence.

The devil got her lessons, the devil understood the situation. And now, she only keeps thing to herself. Without no one knows, what really happen to her. She doesn't want to bring anyone in her life again. At least, for now.  She starts to like enjoying the lonely life. She's starting that life, in this moments.

How about you? Do you ever feel like being that kind of person? And finally, I tell you this. Don't ever judge a person, you don't know about their past nor about their goal. Just try to live beside them, try to enjoy their life. 

stay or go, whatsoever

Insani Zulfa

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Yin and Yang

There will always come a time like this. A moment like this. A moment when you feel disappointed, angry, sad, or anxious because things didn't turn out like what you want or seems like it wouldn't turn out like what we wish it would. In times, it often happens because we expect those things too much. We give them too much hopes. We give them too much spaces in our heart, mind, and soul. And it's not good. It's toxic. 

In life, things happen beyond our imagination. Things happen like our brain couldn't always reach those. May, for sometimes, things happen uncontrollable and we feel it's so unbearable. We as a human being only create those opportunities, make it through our own best efforts, make it our best shots, and leave the rest to God. So let it be. Things will come alright if we prepare ourselves to anything that might happen. It's good to have positive imaginations but it's also good to redeem ourselves by thinking what's negative outcomes that might happen too. Try to live in balance

Because life, isn't always about a win-win. Life isn't perfect, neither are we. Don't push your mind into believing that things will run out perfectly too. It's killing you, dear. Softly and slowly. God creates us so that we create something good, make it better in times, but never force us to make things be the best. Neither are we, we're never being forced by God to become the best person but being our own best version. It means, try to do what it's good and leave the bad. Only that. Simple, isn't it? God let us live a very simple life so don't make it complicated, sweetheart. 

We always seek the opportunities, make every solution which outrageous. But, God always has the best plans for us. So enjoy the ride and live your joyful life. People may come and go, may change and remain the same. Accept it. Let it flow through your vein of life. Go through it. Let yourself grow and become mature so that you can become a better version of yourself each and every day, with our without the support from the people that we wished we would always have. Because we live, and sometimes we lose but also gain people in our lives. Don't ever make your life become miserable. Because, maybe, we also don't have enough space for too many people in our hearts, we also don't have enough strength for things to be thought in our brain. 

Live your life, which you will always feel content, tolerant, and grateful


Insani Zulfa 

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

24 hours in 3 hours

Yesterday, I did an English Test Simulation with someone, just called it he. Apparently, we had the test at Semarang and we rode all the way from Jogja to Semarang by motorcycle. And only in one half day we did that journey! Crazy, isn't it? 

We started that journey from 8 am, without having a breakfast and we rode faster enough to passed Magelang and Temanggung only in 1,5 hours. Because his growling stomach, we decided to rest for a bit. We had a little snack to fill up our empty gastric, hahahahaha. And I decided not to take any coffee beverage, imagine that maybe I'll get exhausted from the journey later and taking a coffee will make my health even worse. So, said it only 15 minutes we spent at the rest area, having a little chit-chat, we kicked the road again to go to Semarang. 

Yups, at Ambarawa, he teased me to go back to my hometown, Salatiga. How about that? How about we took some times at your home and let you drive your car? In my mind told me, "How am I supposed to do that? How can I have a courage to drive, at least again??" We closed that argument, and passed all the Ungaran's road and finally SEMARANG!! I'm not good at remembering the road's name, the way to go to some place, but Thank God, we arrived safe and sound at Crown Plaza Hotel where the simulation test was being held. 

Because we only had our simple outfits, we changed our clothes first at the toilet. Hahaha, and for me I took some times because I had this "girly's month" and I had to put back my make up. Hahahaha. While I was doing that, he'd already signed in his name and got the time lists. And whaddup! We had to do the test from 12.00 to 18.00. I was wondering, how we would go back to Jogja at that time. But time is time, and we like we've been vowed to do the test. At least, that's my only way to help him understand "that test gonna be". I couldn't afford to help him get the test if it didn't free like yesterday. And at very least, we want to get away from this country soon. At least, for now. 

In the first section, we had listening test. And surprisingly, it's a little bit more difficult than my test back one year ago. And my empty stomach really disturbed my concentration. I only assured of my answer 75% from that section. But once again, because it might be his first time having a test like that, he almost messed up his answer. Supposed he wanted to write the 25's answer, instead he wrote it on the number 24's line. I found it funny actually, but we had to being serious when we get that kind of test, so I made him take a note, so that he wouldn't get that same mistakes again.

After that, finally, we had our brunch!! Ah, our long awaited meal! Finallyyeeeeehhh!!! We discussed it with a bunch of chit-chat about the past. How I didn't want to get into "Pesantren" and how he lived that kind of life before, with a full lists of regulations. Haha, while he was telling me that, I spoke to myself that I wanted that kind of life, but only for some moments. I think that I had that kind of life, maybe I'd get another experiences. Ha!

We finished our meal, and back to the test scene. Yeah, we had our reading test and writing test. Hahahahahaha. The whole reading test was much more easier than my real test back then. But the writing test, emm should I say, that It's not hard but trying to get therasaurus words at those sentences were rather hard. Hahahaa. 

After all, the clock had been set up at 6 pm. After we finished praying, definitely we went outside from that hotel and went to the parking lot. We were so surprised that it's raining, wondering how our helmets would be. And tadaaaaa. It's sucked up the water and fully wet. Huhuhu. But we didn't have another choice and wore our raincoat, so that we kicked that long road again.

Because I'm so bad at memorising our way back home, we almost got lost, but fortunately it didn't happen. Hehehe. Yeah, it's raining so hard at Semarang to Ungaran. Both of us were freezing because  of the cold, but we had to passed all of those circumstances so that we arrive at Jogja. The time was tickling so slow, that I wondered how about staying up at my house first then we go to Jogja again the day after. But, that's just in my mind, we kept on hitting the road to go back to that city, Jogja. 

Yups. Around the road Ambarawa-Magelang, there were a lot of trucks and bus that brought us an 'aarrrghh'. Huft. And what made it worse was the rain. It hit our body and mind harshly. Huhuhuhu. But around Secang when the chill was hitting my climax point, it gave me pain in my chest. But I couldn't tell him, afraid that he would be worried. 

Aroun Secang-Magelang, the rain almost stopped, but it rained even harder at Artoz area, which made us to rest for a while at the convenience store. I bought sandwich, mineral water and pain relief 'Salonpas'. I sat at the chair, ate my sandwich and my meds. So long after that I put 4 patch of Salonpas and put it on my body. Ouugh the hot feeling couldn't win the chill of cold. Breeze. Huhuhu. But after a while, fortunately, i felt that hot and warm feeling, like being hold and calm down. Huuuff.

But, took that rest make us feel colder than before. Huhuhuhu. I was in silence because it's like killing me softly and slowly. Uughh. But Thank God, that Salonpas gave me strength to conquer the chills, though a little, but it helped, a lot.

Magelang-Muntilan and finalyeeeehhh JOGJAH!!!! After that long awaited moment, touched down Jogja. Though it's still cold, but at least it would only take a little time to go to my own bed. Huft. We decided to eat a very hot dinner 'Bakmi Rebus' hahahaha. Yeah, actually it passed our meal's time but we need that hot feeling, hoping it would make us warmer. 

And at that time, that night, we, I mean, I decided to make a conclusion which I have to drive a car, again. Be brave, challenge that bumpy road, so that we would go anywhere with a safe feeling.

But at the end of that day, I smile at myself, looking at my phone's chat and tell him unspokenly.

"I want to help you, I want to take out my hands and grab yours, make our wishes come true. You don't have to face it alone. And.. my wishes, my worries, or my prays for you let me keep it till you rise up once again. I'll wait you. Catch me up soon"


Insani Zulfa