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Tuesday, January 13, 2015

If your heart is not in it

It's like "tell me something i don't know part 2".

I don't know.
I don't know.
And
I don't know.

Do u know why i put you such in low expectation, dear?
Don't u understand that you give me thousand things that i couldn't explain?
Don't u get it why i want to chase you wherever you might be?

It's not that your standard is low or below my ideal man. It's just me who wants to put any man into that kind of expectation. After the third times, i just learnt that i couldn't give you much room in my heart. Because i can't give you any promises to make you happy and do anything for you.
But.

After all of my actions that I did for you, don't u know that i feel you're my safest place to land? But if it gives you burdens, then i'll step back. If i'm here, around you, gives you hard time to think or to make any decision with your past. Please, just let me know. I'm not gonna hate you with all of that. I'm just, I just want to know if there'll be such ending. If it's hard to let you go and move on from you, I'll try even harder so that I won't interfere your relationship with anyone.

And you are such a bright man that open up my views. With your capability, knowledge, and spirit. You give me another thousand reasons to fight for my dreams. For some times, you give me place to let my brain rest. For some times, you give me hug to push away my worries. I will not forget about those times, dear. And I still want to chase you even with my weakness and my tough personality.

And

I'm sorry. Maybe I'm
Too much
And i couldn't make you feel like home anymore.
I can't stand on my feet now, I can't fake my heartache any longer, and I can't think with my clear mind.

So...
Do u want to step aside, dear?

My sleepless night,

Z

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