Saturday, January 31, 2015

The Ideal Man

Hello, readers. I'm in a good mood right now, so I'll post about something funny, weird, but true story. For some moments, let's not discuss about miserable life and self-reflection. Let's being wild!!

Okay. So, I believe that some of you must have experience about "love". I'm not talking about love, but I want to talk about the person that we have to get interact when we do the love things. I, you, we, all of us must have standard or maybe kind of man that we want to get close. Yeah, something like that. And I don't know, but based on my experiences. I had so much difference standard in each times of ages. So, should I say that growing older will make you look further and wider.

It comes when you are around fifteen to seventeen, maybe. In late junior high school period or in senior high school period. At this age, girls usually tend to look over appearance rather than the man's personality. They think that a good looking man will make her special and she will be very proud of her man. Besides that, girls at this age usually look over his hobby, especially when the man know something about art or music. It will give man a bonus mark. Because the girl will brag about how good her man when he plays the instruments. Teenage girls usually like to gossip, they tend to speak out loud about what they like, what they have, and what they want to have. It's such a clear answer that they haven't looked for man's personality, maybe some of them do but it's only a few. 

In this period of time, when the ages come around eighteen up to twenty two. It's around college's time. They grow into more mature and wiser. They want all of good criteria. They want man with the looks and the personality. It's like a win-win solution. They want the "it boy" looks but "it man" personality. Yeah, how cunning they are. But here are my explanations. Girl around that age still has pride that high like a mountain, she wants to brag how handsome or how good-looking her man but at the same time she wants nice personality, kind-hearted, honest person because she likes to be watching close and feeling like a queen around her best-man. Girl around this age tends to spend out her money on buying stuffs to make her more beautiful, doll up her face, wear high heels, use dresses, and talks gracefully. They tend to keep her image like a princess and trust me they will go on diet and just waiting his man eating [while actually her main reason why she goes on diet is because she lost too much money on buying on those things]. Besides, girls on this age will tend to look man that opposites her character. They think each personalities will melt into one and their bond will last forever.

  • LADY
From age twenty three until twenty eight [PS: I'll take it as my point of view, no offense. Maybe some of you will take the age up to twenty five only] . This age, the "it girl" is turning into "it girl", they'll change their minds. They'll look over personality first than the appearance. They'll look over his brain first over his body. And some of them, will look over the man's income first. It's not that her income is higher or lower than the man, but she wants a reliable person. After all, man should lead the family and yes it's his duty giving money to his family later. Girls seek personality because they want to keep calm, they want to be at peace, they want man that can let go his ego for the sake of their bond. The relationship. Girls seek his brain because every man can make her pregnant, but not all of man know the "know-how" to lead and teach his family. And of course personality, will win the "in-laws". Around this age, they also tend to look man which has similar personalities, almost same background, almost same past, and older man. They think the "almost-thing" will make the relationship grows easier and better. And around this age, they tend to look over man that will be her spouse. So, personalities win and take it all. But relationship around this age is wiser, because each person already have experiences. So they will reflect their selves into their past and look over the other's feeling first to overcome their problems. And there is high possibilities that this kind of bond that will lead into marriage.

I can only talk about these much, because I'm still lack in experiences too. I'm just looking around at those age. Because the older woman gets, she will think differently. She will think more about others and step aside from the individual things.

It's not that those are references that girls around that age are like that. It's only my point of view, and maybe it's not most of them. Building a relationship is not an easy task, it really needs heart. Not only love, but each person has to try understand, not being each's best but trying each's best, not using words only but use action instead. After all, my suggestion is build a relationship that your heart is in it. Keeping faith in your partner as you keep your faith on your own. Build your relationship with both of hearts not only you and not only him. Talk and discuss about your bond together, make a wise decision which both of you agree. 


Insani Zulfa

Thursday, January 29, 2015


I'm trying hard to smile, to laugh, and moreover to think. Think, Insani! Think! It isn't hard, is it? 

Over two weeks, I feel that I used my energy too much, it's too much until I forgot "Ah, what the hell, I still have so much energy left" that kind of thinking actually helped a lot to reach our goals but after all the body couldn't lie. Although, I keep telling myself that I'm fine and I'm okay, but the action showed the differences. The body and soul couldn't get synergy together. My mind told to do so but the nerves commanded in different ways. I couldn't explain why my energy got so wasted lately. I'm actually fine if I was depleted energy because of something that use my physics. But, I don't know why either, but if the matter is about psychology, I surrender and I feel that my brain is so useless right now. And all the tears had already dried up. I couldn't even cry and that lead to the sleepless night. OMG!

May some people know about my situation, may some people take me to this uncomfortable zone. May some people are trying to help me overcome this situation by stand beside me or may some people are trying to get me out of this hell. 

People won't hope anything like this, who wants this kind of situation? It's holy crap! Because I feel that after I overcome one kind of situation, there will be another pain, another distorted mind. It's like rubbing a salt in the almost-recovery wound. It's not yet closed but it has to be opened again. Open by force, and it's not nice. At all. 

After all this time, all I keep trying to do is understanding my position, situation, more and more, tougher and tougher.
Be grateful, Insani, you can get beautiful learning from these pain. Be a blissful person and make a wiser decision. Lead the way, and just do it! Bear it, and keep walking forward!

don't stay but go,

Insani Zulfa 

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

If your heart is not in it

It's like "tell me something i don't know part 2".

I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.

Do u know why i put you such in low expectation, dear?
Don't u understand that you give me thousand things that i couldn't explain?
Don't u get it why i want to chase you wherever you might be?

It's not that your standard is low or below my ideal man. It's just me who wants to put any man into that kind of expectation. After the third times, i just learnt that i couldn't give you much room in my heart. Because i can't give you any promises to make you happy and do anything for you.

After all of my actions that I did for you, don't u know that i feel you're my safest place to land? But if it gives you burdens, then i'll step back. If i'm here, around you, gives you hard time to think or to make any decision with your past. Please, just let me know. I'm not gonna hate you with all of that. I'm just, I just want to know if there'll be such ending. If it's hard to let you go and move on from you, I'll try even harder so that I won't interfere your relationship with anyone.

And you are such a bright man that open up my views. With your capability, knowledge, and spirit. You give me another thousand reasons to fight for my dreams. For some times, you give me place to let my brain rest. For some times, you give me hug to push away my worries. I will not forget about those times, dear. And I still want to chase you even with my weakness and my tough personality.


I'm sorry. Maybe I'm
Too much
And i couldn't make you feel like home anymore.
I can't stand on my feet now, I can't fake my heartache any longer, and I can't think with my clear mind.

Do u want to step aside, dear?

My sleepless night,


Sunday, January 11, 2015

Kimi Ni Todoke

Hello, 2015! ☺

May this year will be more impressive than years before and many more better things happen in this year.

Problems, issues, and stress may come more and more in this year and the following years, but solutions, options, chances, and spirit which never die will overcome all of those situations. Those problems will come near us so that we can seek opportunities. And as time goes by, we will understand about the world, we will think more clearly, we will understand other's point of view, and of course we will understand the unhappy things calmly, let it go, take another road, and rise up again. Those are actually my resolution for this year. 

"Stay calm, be open minded, chase my master's program abroad this year, penny wise, be more educated, get money"

All I want to chase right now is my career, and all I want to fight for right now is my career. The career that I want to pursue is my childhood's dream. I still remember when my teacher at elementary school asked me that question "What do you want to do in the future? The job?" and I answered it "I want to be a teacher, I mean I want to be a college teacher, a lecturer. I think that job will suit me well". And here I am, I have this title now "fresh-graduate" and still trying to make that dream comes true. I'm still looking for the ways and making some stuffs to let me be "lecturer" who teach and share knowledge, networking, and information to all of parties in this world. It's nice, isn't it? The path that I'll take to reach it may be hard or twisted but there will be options and chances to be offered to me. I don't want to give up my dreams, I'll fight for it, and I'm sure I can grab it and fulfill it this year. I believe in myself.

You have to smile whatever the pain that you may get, because you're beautiful
You have to rise up whatever the downfall that you may have, because you're amazing
You have to stand up wherever you may be, because you're strong
You have to make the solutions whenever you face problems, because you're smart
You have to keep the faith whenever bad scenarios drop by, because you're tough
You have to get up, rise up, and make up every day, every time, every minute, and every second, because you're a lucky person
stay pretty, stay calm, be an amazing person, be strong, be tough, educated well, get blessed
You're the only you, you can make the changes, 
You can reach your dreams and make them to be reality

Kimi ni todoke, words from me to you, "you"it's me. The words that will pump up my spirits so that I can wake up from the dreams and make it happen. I believe and I also believe that Alloh will help me get through this. Get, set, ready, and go!


Insani Hubi Zulfa