Sunday, November 30, 2014

Just a little thought

I've grown up and fully 21 years old this year. But with this epic age, I think I'm not that smart and wise to control my life.
I live in an ordinary life without doubts and make people think that I can do anything and I can get anything that I want. It feels that I come from a well family and education-oriented so that my life would be so easy. The sentences are like
"If it's Zulfa then you can do anything because you had that capability. If it's Zulfa then you can get anything without much efforts because you've already had everything"
It's hard to live like that. Hard because everyone think that you can do easily, think that you can pass easily. It's good because maybe people will easily believe to pass on their task on me, but sometimes it's hard. Hard because we had to get over their expectation, like blow my mind off and kick my ass to do that. While when i was doing that a lot of people think that i'm such nuts. It's hard to keep the pokerface while having emotional problems. That's why I prefer to talk to myself, redeem myself from people beside me, and keeping every burdens by myself. Yes, I hide it because I don't want to give another person my burden. If i can handle it, then why not? that's why people think that I'm hard to approach and always throw anyone who want to care about me. I'm sorry if it means like that. But i just don't want to mess up your life. 

Then people starts to think that I'm the most uncaring and untouchable person in the world. They think that i give too much boundaries on that. I love them, that's why i want to make them stay away from my problems, but it seems that another judgement had across their minds. I'm fine. I'm okay with it. I had been stamped with title "the most uncaring girl" since long time, so why should I complain? why can't i just endure it this time? and why not once more time?

people's judgement seems very terrible but I'm gonna live with it. Why can't i? If living alone can help people around me not to be sad then I'm okay with it. I'm fine. I'm really fine.


  1. love your story:)
    Happy December:)

    Hallo from Borneo, Indonesia...

    visit Style with Story • | instagram •

  2. life is never flat. i believe you can pass this part because you are strong, smart, and unbelievable.
    you are not that uncaring and untouchable person, insani. they think like that because they haven't known you yet.
    if you need me, call me. anytime!

    1. Who is this? I think i know you from the way you talk to me. But i'm still wandering. Who are you? And it feels warm to read such nice comment. Thank you (: