Monday, December 29, 2014

Tell me something i don't know

Another tears in the silence.
Another emptiness in the darkness.
Another nightmare over period nice dreams.
This is part of me to be mature.
This is side of me to be independent.
This is way for me to know the world.
Maybe, right now, the world gives me cruel times.
Maybe, right now, being dependent only leads into 'not good' scenarios.
Maybe, right now, growing older gives me hard times to catch my own breath
Beneath the sky, i'm looking at the stars, watching them shine through sun's light.
And me,
Wandering where the light is, and still searching for that one.
I know that maybe there are some lights that offer to me.
But is that it?
Is that light will give me some happiness?
Can i have and hold this happiness longer?
Or maybe it just gives me for some periods of time.
That it will go with the wind.
That it will leave without a trace.
I don't know.
Maybe, the right thing for now is
Just flying solos even with broken wings.
Flying and flying till i find that beautiful sky.
Spread my wings till i reach my star.

From the cold wall that i lean on,


Saturday, December 27, 2014

the perfect gift at midnight dream!

I always love when the night comes by. I always love the feeling when i look at the stars and wander what happened today, yesterday, and what will the day after look like. The stars only remain silent and stay at where they are, that's why i like stars. they glow but pretending to stay low. And as time goes by, as age grows older, i want to sit at midnight with 'someone that understand me the most', holding hands, talking and goofing around, and when we reach our peak we just keep staring at each other without words. Marvelous! 

That's enough. I had beautiful gift, an awesome one! Maybe some of you know that lately I'm at my downfall. Usually I'm a bright girl who always keep her faith, do anything and never stop trying her best for her project. That's why I got this title ' perfectionist ' and ' workaholic '. Even if I go to my hometown to take my recess time, I'll always sneak out to work, insist to open the laptop, read any literature, and write down the point. My friends often ask me "Don't you feel bored living your life like that?" and I say this to them "I learn more from reading and writing down the point of life from that, and if I'm super tantalized, there's no need for me to do that. But maturity of life doesn't measure by age or wealth but with experience that they develop in time". So. stop talking non sense about my character and start about the dream that I got, rite?

So. I had the "runaway dream" at somewhere that has ""chill, cold, yet beautiful scenery" with someone that I feel like "home". And because i will tell a lot about this matter let name it as "He". He has the same character as mine, almost in everything. The difference between us is how we do "our process", I always make a note but he just do anything without a note and just go straight. But we see the process as the same thing and not worry too much about the result as long as we have give our best at it. And we travel across cities to that somewhere. We haven't had much preparation actually, indeed it's spontaneous. Hahaha. I never experience about things like that so for the first time it feels weird and awkward. Fortunately he's so reliable so that we can go anywhere without much worries. Hahaha

From that moments, the moments of my dream, actually I don't want to wake up. I don't want to. Because I'm starting to feel that becomes my comfortable zone. I learn about a lot of things, even when there will be "hectic moments and rush hours" as long as we have clear mind and we have our faith to keep going on then we can do that, we can do anything with different paths. If in the A path we fail, then we can go through the B path, just keep going and keep going if you still want to see your dreams get reached, just run till your last breath to see your stars beneath the sky. Because if you feel you reach your bottom of your downfall, there will be nowhere to go deeper but there will be another way to rise up once again. Because as stars glow because of the sun's light, we can find our happiness as long as we can find the light.

I wake up from that dream. My precious dream. My unforgettable dream. With valuable person. And even I can't say this from my lips maybe my stare and my written-words will tell you "Thank you for this lesson and thank you for everything". I want to tell "He" something, and when you need my hand then reach that, if you need my shoulder to sober up then I'll broaden it for you, there will be a place for us. There will always be ways for us, keep believing that we can do that and may Alloh do the rest (: 

Sincerely, dear


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Just a little thought

I've grown up and fully 21 years old this year. But with this epic age, I think I'm not that smart and wise to control my life.
I live in an ordinary life without doubts and make people think that I can do anything and I can get anything that I want. It feels that I come from a well family and education-oriented so that my life would be so easy. The sentences are like
"If it's Zulfa then you can do anything because you had that capability. If it's Zulfa then you can get anything without much efforts because you've already had everything"
It's hard to live like that. Hard because everyone think that you can do easily, think that you can pass easily. It's good because maybe people will easily believe to pass on their task on me, but sometimes it's hard. Hard because we had to get over their expectation, like blow my mind off and kick my ass to do that. While when i was doing that a lot of people think that i'm such nuts. It's hard to keep the pokerface while having emotional problems. That's why I prefer to talk to myself, redeem myself from people beside me, and keeping every burdens by myself. Yes, I hide it because I don't want to give another person my burden. If i can handle it, then why not? that's why people think that I'm hard to approach and always throw anyone who want to care about me. I'm sorry if it means like that. But i just don't want to mess up your life. 

Then people starts to think that I'm the most uncaring and untouchable person in the world. They think that i give too much boundaries on that. I love them, that's why i want to make them stay away from my problems, but it seems that another judgement had across their minds. I'm fine. I'm okay with it. I had been stamped with title "the most uncaring girl" since long time, so why should I complain? why can't i just endure it this time? and why not once more time?

people's judgement seems very terrible but I'm gonna live with it. Why can't i? If living alone can help people around me not to be sad then I'm okay with it. I'm fine. I'm really fine.

Friday, May 9, 2014

In a meantime of Internship: Royal Park Rajapruek (Part 1)

Hello, i think it's been long since my last post. I've been busy lately preparing my final tasks in my final year of college. It's not easy to do, make report and thesis in the same time. And talking about report, it's about my internship report. Fortunately, I had my opportunities to do one of my final tasks abroad in Thailand (as on of  the biggest husbandry company and the headquarter of the world). I made it and studied it at Maejo University, Chiang Mai, Thailand. 
I had a leisure time in the weekend and the first spot that I had been visited is this awesome flower garden called " Royal Park Rajapruek " you can call it ^Rachpruek^. You had to spent THB 100 (IDR 40K) for entering this garden but for local visitor, it's just THB 50. Okay, enough talking, let the photos do the talk!!

You may know that Thailand is well-known with its white elephant so in Thailand, almost every spot has elephant figure. But i had been told before about the white elephant that it is really exist before (but right now no one knows that it's still exist or not, and for that's i hesitate to put 'was' in my statement. haha)

You had to spent THB 10 for making your wishes and plant it. And the cute sound when it hit by the wind "criiing" because its made from artificial gold. Tehee!

 Okay this one is, emm like the west side from this garden. It had beautiful scenery too moreover you will see a lot of tall tree with green scenery that will soften your heart and mind.

 Okay the one building that you see is like a museum. It tells about Thailand from time to time and it had official money that had been used in Thailand from the past too.

Oh  and one thing for sure, don't forget to bring your cute hat or umbrella because it's really hot at day
I hope it will help you a lot when you have time to go to pay a visit - see you

Zulfa, Insani